Gary Barlow & The Commonwealth Band - Sing

It seems that the endless adverts, misplaced national pride and disproportionate news coverage were not all that the powers that be decided we needed to endure for the Jubilee. Apparently, we also needed a sickly sweet and distinctly unrousing song to accompany the celebrations too. The man charged with writing this was Take That's Gary Barlow. Teaming up with "The Commonwealth Band" and the Military Wives, Barlow succeeded spectacularly in creating something else that non-Royal fanatics had to desperately blot out.

The song feels like a call to arms for all the sad weirdos who ultimately flocked to Buckingham Palace over the course of the Jubilee weekend. The lyrics may as well say, "Dress up in the Union Jack, Look like Geri Halliwell in drag and waste your day off work." Such people will have been stood outside the palace, humming this tune to themselves and swelling with pride, blissfully unaware that "Her Majesty" and her clan were looking at them as nothing more than common, easily-led plebs and couldn't wait for them all to leave. "Make this moment last forever" are among the many irksome lyrics in this track. I personally rather hope this moment does not last forever, and that Britain will, at some stage drag itself into the 21st Century and acquire an elected head of state.

As well as representing almost everything that is wrong with this country, this song is also massively disappointing. As a republican, I at least wanted to hear something that was undeniably brilliant and that I couldn't legitimately hate even if I desired to. Furthermore, Gary Barlow has such great caliber as a songwriter that he was more than capable of pulling this off. However, with this effort he simply hasn't delivered. The lyrics are unimaginative, the verses are impossibly tuneless and dull and the harmonies in the chorus don't make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up like they are clearly meant to. Finally, the bagpipes towards the end of the song are so tacked on that you can almost see the used roll of sellotape.

As a message to the British public, I hate this song. However, as a song in its own right, I loathe it. Not only is it hideously generic, but it also lauds a British institution that is out-dated, backwards and soaked in blood. There are two questions that this track spawns. Firstly, why did the Facebook campaign to have God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols as the UK Number One for the Jubilee never get off the ground? And secondly, if this atrocity of a single doesn't make Britain wake up, get rid of the monarchy and elect a president then what in God's name will?

Worth a Listen? Only if you're the sort of moron who bought those special Jubilee collector's coins.

Verdict: 1/10

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Happy listening. 

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Coldplay - Princess Of China (feat. Rihanna)

As unlikely pairings go, this one would certainly make anyone's top ten list. Princess Of China brings together a woman who once sang about how chains and whips excited her, and a band fronted by a man who would probably have severe issues with the environmental damage caused by the manufacture of said chains and whips. To collaborate is a daring move. Their styles of music are incredibly different and their personalities are even more so. The question is whether they have managed to pull off a master stroke.

In listening to this song, one could be forgiven for having flashbacks to the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. The whole track is haunted by a pounding, oriental-esque drumbeat and fantastic harmonies between Martin and Rihanna. This is certainly an energetic effort to say the least. Indeed, the words over-produced spring to mind. However, since the same description has been leveled at Oasis' Be Here Now on multiple occasions, this is not necessarily a bad thing. This energy is particularly noteworthy in the chorus, which will be wedged firmly into the listeners mind for many minutes after the track has ended.

The problem with this song though is that it is simply just OK. Although it sticks in the listeners head, it doesn't do so in a way that makes you desperate to listen to it again. This is not to say that it's a bad song, just that it doesn't really go anywhere hugely exciting.

All in all then, this effort could have been better, but given who was collaborating on it, it could also have been so much worse. The coming together of Coldplay and Rihanna has not been one to rival the great Lennon and McCartney, but there have been far more infamous combinations than this in history. Myra Hindley and Ian Brady spring instantly to mind.

Worth a listen? Yes, but probably only once.

Verdict: 6/10

Touting For Business!

If you're an artist and want a press release or print ad written by me and featured on my blog then get in touch. Once written, you will also be able to use it yourself however you see fit (adding to press kits etc.)

For the time being I'm offering this service for a mere £10.00, so if you've got ten crisp Sterling knocking about then I'm all ears.

Happy listening. 


Talcum X

Flo Rida - Wild Ones (feat. Sia)

Wild Ones is the latest release from Miami-based rapper Flo Rida. This one seems to have been knocking around the UK Top 40 for a long while now and, with one listen to it, it is not exactly tricky to see why. WWE wrestling fans will be familiar with Flo Rida for his recent performance at Wrestlemania 28, as well as the songs of his that were heavily used for promotion leading up to the event. Others, perhaps sadly, will remember/know of him simply because of the diabolical reworking he did of the Dead Or Alive classic, You Spin Me Round back in 2009. For those of us who have forgiven him for this Jeffrey Dahmer-equaling monstrosity, his latest works, Good Feeling and now this, are well worth the time of day.

The track kicks off with the chorus. This can sometimes be a risky move in a song. Fortunately however, the chorus to this song happens to be tremendous, and immediately lets the listener know that this tune is well worth their attention. Featuring the vocals of Aussie vocalist, Sia, the chorus is instantly memorable, catchy, heartfelt and, perhaps even beautiful. This initial chorus in thirty seconds long, and in all honesty, the song itself could have ended there and it would still have had the Youtube generation flocking to their computer screens to search for, and then listen to it again.

In reality though, the song (of course) continues beyond this point. The verses then kick in and, in terms of vocals, exclusively feature Flo Rida himself. The beat turns into a more dancey (if that's even a word?) kind of beat, yet still follow the same chord progression as the chorus. For fans of rap, Flo Rida's vocal work during the verses is tremendous and highly enjoyable. However, even non-fans of rap will continue listening, safe in the knowledge that that brilliant, melodic chorus is just around the corner once again. Essentially, whether you like, or even appreciate the busting of rhymes (as I believe it's called in the hood), this song will have something for you and keep you listening until the very end.

Overall then, this song has terrific crossover appeal and will inevitably be enjoyed by most music fans. It is tempting to laud immense praise upon it for being far better than Flo Rida's 2009 effort, Right Round. However, since even the Jonestown mass suicide of 1977 was better than that particular offering, that is not saying much! In all seriousness though, Flo Rida; well played sir.

Worth a listen? Most certainly.

Verdict: 9/10

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For the time being I'm offering this service for a mere £10.00, so if you've got ten crisp Sterling knocking about then I'm all ears.

Happy listening.

Talcum X

Katy Perry - Part Of Me

Part Of Me is the latest single from US pop sensation Katy Perry. Most of us cannot help but have a soft spot for this California songstress. Whether it be as a result of the music itself or the fact that she's not exactly an aesthetically displeasing creature, it would only be a terminally embittered specimen with a heart of stone who would have nothing positive to say about her at all. As well as being beautiful, her songs Teenage Dream, Hot 'n' Cold and Firework have rightfully become smash hits in recent times. Best of all, she writes her own stuff. Overall, what is there not to like about her?

Her latest single is, predictably enough an energetic, hook-filled stormer. To note the lyrics, one cannot help but feel as though this is the modern version of I Will Survive. Although Perry herself strenuously denies that this song is a reaction to the failure of her marriage to Russell Brand, this is still a fantastic breakup anthem. Newly-single women across the globe will listen to this track and go, "Hell yeah, I'm with you sister!". With lyrics such as "You can keep the diamond ring, I never liked them anyway, in fact, you can keep everything except for me", nobody could accuse this song of being devoid of meaning or intent.

As for the tune itself, it may not be as catchy as the aforementioned Teenage Dream, but it certainly makes up for it in terms of its energy and its sentiment. Part Of Me is vintage Perry. It is fast, fun, "sit up and listen" pop for the 21st century. This latest offering seems to be irrefutable proof that, at this point in time, the I Kissed A Girl superstar can do no wrong.

Overall though, this song is a tricky one to sum up. When listening to it, one cannot help but feel that it is not quite as good as Teenage Dream or Firework. However, it is only moments after the song ends that the listener realises that the song is now stuck in their heads and they are sub-consciously humming it to themselves. With few exceptions, any song that can achieve this is an undisputed winner.

Worth a listen? Oh yes!

Verdict: 8/10