Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Gary Barlow & The Commonwealth Band - Sing

It seems that the endless adverts, misplaced national pride and disproportionate news coverage were not all that the powers that be decided we needed to endure for the Jubilee. Apparently, we also needed a sickly sweet and distinctly unrousing song to accompany the celebrations too. The man charged with writing this was Take That's Gary Barlow. Teaming up with "The Commonwealth Band" and the Military Wives, Barlow succeeded spectacularly in creating something else that non-Royal fanatics had to desperately blot out.

The song feels like a call to arms for all the sad weirdos who ultimately flocked to Buckingham Palace over the course of the Jubilee weekend. The lyrics may as well say, "Dress up in the Union Jack, Look like Geri Halliwell in drag and waste your day off work." Such people will have been stood outside the palace, humming this tune to themselves and swelling with pride, blissfully unaware that "Her Majesty" and her clan were looking at them as nothing more than common, easily-led plebs and couldn't wait for them all to leave. "Make this moment last forever" are among the many irksome lyrics in this track. I personally rather hope this moment does not last forever, and that Britain will, at some stage drag itself into the 21st Century and acquire an elected head of state.

As well as representing almost everything that is wrong with this country, this song is also massively disappointing. As a republican, I at least wanted to hear something that was undeniably brilliant and that I couldn't legitimately hate even if I desired to. Furthermore, Gary Barlow has such great caliber as a songwriter that he was more than capable of pulling this off. However, with this effort he simply hasn't delivered. The lyrics are unimaginative, the verses are impossibly tuneless and dull and the harmonies in the chorus don't make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up like they are clearly meant to. Finally, the bagpipes towards the end of the song are so tacked on that you can almost see the used roll of sellotape.

As a message to the British public, I hate this song. However, as a song in its own right, I loathe it. Not only is it hideously generic, but it also lauds a British institution that is out-dated, backwards and soaked in blood. There are two questions that this track spawns. Firstly, why did the Facebook campaign to have God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols as the UK Number One for the Jubilee never get off the ground? And secondly, if this atrocity of a single doesn't make Britain wake up, get rid of the monarchy and elect a president then what in God's name will?

Worth a Listen? Only if you're the sort of moron who bought those special Jubilee collector's coins.

Verdict: 1/10

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